Here it is...the all important FIRST POST

Ok, so here's the deal. I'm 28 years old. I weigh over 300 pounds. 324.6 as of this morning. I was maintaining in the 318-319 area for about 6 months. My highest ever was 338. Recently...in fact one month ago today...I went completely deaf in my left ear. Suddenly...like in the time it takes to snap your fingers. That experience has been understandably stressful. Hence the gain of 6-7 pounds. But, I'm finally getting accustomed to the whole thing and so I'm ready to get started again.

So, those are my numbers. But, what about me? Me...hmmm...I'm an engineer by trade. I'm a wife. I love being married. My husband actually is my best friend. There are lots of people who don't think that's possible...but for me, its true. He knows everything...my weight struggles, my emotional struggles...all of it. And he still loves me. And he still wants to be with me every day.

We don't have kids yet. We want them. I want to weigh under 300 pounds when I get pregnant. Not because I think its impossible to get pregnant when you're as heavy as I am. I know many people who are pregnant/have gotten pregnant at this weight. I want it because I want my pregnancy to be a little easier. And I think everything in life is a little easier when you are carrying around less weight. Literally. Imagine carrying around a 25 pound backpack with you everywhere you go. Now imagine laying it down on the road and continuing on without it. It would be a huge relief. We will start trying for a baby late spring of 2009. I would like to be carrying a little less in my backpack when we do.

I don't view weightloss the same as a lot of people do. I don't hate myself. So many weight loss blogs center around self-hatred. And how I have to lose weight because of how much i hate myself the way I am. The thing is...I don't hate myself the way I am. My body comes through for me in so many ways. I can do most anything I want.

I want to lose weight only because I want those things that I enjoy doing to be easier. Less of a struggle. My husband has family in Costa Rica. We will go visit some day. We will trek through the rain forest. I'd rather not be the one carrying the 100 pound backpack when we do.

I fly a lot. I hate being the person who infringes on others space. I really would like to be smaller so I can be less of a burden to them. So that the seatbelts will fit.

I would like to wear dresses and not feel 'froofy" in them

That's three reasons for now...i'll come up with more. But I can guarantee you one reason you will never hear coming from me is "because I hate myself like this". Our society has taught us to hate ourselves for so many reasons (don't make enough money, too fat, too skinny, wrong color, bad hair, bad skin, blah, blah, blah). I don't subscribe to that line of thinking. It took me a very long time to get to where I am...but I truly believe I am special for the things that make up ME on the inside. My heart, my spirit, my thoughts.

So, there it is...the all important first post. It's a start. There will be more....