Wow, it's been more than a month since I blogged. Weight is the same. 324.4 this morning. A good friend is considering weight loss surgery. I spent some time with my mom this weekend. I saw my very very pregnant sister this weekend. It has my mind churning.

Here's an email I wrote to the friend who's considering surgery. I think it sums up where I am right now.

"After we talked I went and got out my crafting supplies and a bunch of baby pictures of me and A. I made a bunch of signs that say "299" in big block letters and then I put a baby picture of A and a baby picture of me on each one. I hung one in the bathroom on the mirror, one in the laundry room (that's where my scale is), one on the fridge (cleaned everything else off the fridge so it'd be impossible to miss) and one in the pantry. They are about 6"x6" big. Then I also made one about the size of a dollar bill and put that in my wallet in front of my money. I made one the size of my credit card and put that in my wallet in front of my credit card. I plan to make one to put in my suitcase for my next trip (and probably bring tape to hang in on the door for when I leave my hotel room). I also had a long talk with A last night. I told him everything I had told you. Basically that I do not want to end up in the situation my mom is in and the longer I avoid surgery, the closer I come to being in her situation. If I am going to have the surgery I need to have it while I'm young rather than waiting until I'm in my 40's. So, I told him that the purpose of the signs is to remind me of my goal (299 is about a 26 pound loss) and of my main motivation (to have kids). I told him that if I don't make something happen then I am going to seriously evaluate the surgical route. He was completely supportive (of coures, I swear he's the best husband on earth) and said that he wants to start getting in shape again as well. Unfortunately between now and Christmas he's on a special project for work and has to leave the house by 6:15 so before work exercise together is not going to happen. But, we are both committed to focusing on maintaining during the rest of December and re-introducing exercise when we come home. Also, I'm committed to trying to work in at least 2 days of exercise next week before our trip.

I definitely have not ruled out surgery as a possible path for myself. I just want to give myself one more opportunity to prove to myself that I can do this. I'm concentrating on 299 because it is a doable goal and its not so overwhelming. 26 pounds is not even 10% of my body weight. If I can't make this happen for the sake of my future kids and my future self as a mom, then maybe surgery is the best route for me, you know? Right now, those little motivational tools are helping. When my stomach started growling at 10:15 I opened up my wallet and looked at one. I did the same thing before I walked into the cafeteria to buy my lunch. I hope that they do not lose their power and that I can make something happen. I do want to change my life."