I miss my husband.

I miss my husband. I really really do. This may sound weird since I saw him at 6:35 this morning and will be seeing him by 5:45 tonight. But, I experience this phenomenon after every vacation or trip we take together. We just got back from a 9 day holiday trip where we spent every single day together. And, I enjoyed every minute of it. I’m surrounded daily by people who can’t stand to be around their spouses more than they have to. By family members who have been jaded by cheating spouses and spouses who absolutely cannot meet their emotional needs. Yet, I feel 100% completely satisfied, happy, and content in my relationship. I see my trust for my spouse growing stronger everyday. And after getting so much one on one time with him…I find these 9-10 hours a day that we must be separated from each other very hard to get used to. And so I say again, I miss my husband.

To be honest, sometimes I find this growing trust frightening. Sometimes I look at him, my heart swells with love and pride and joy and then I find myself catching my breath and saying “it won’t last like this.” I hate that the world has jaded me into thinking this way. I truly want to believe in us. I want my nieces and nephews and siblings to see that unconditional love can exist. It’s not always easy and it takes a lot of acceptance of each others shortcomings, but in the end, it can exist. But I will admit, I have my moments where I think “will they all be pointing and saying ‘we told you so?’ one day?” I sincerely hope not.

We are almost to the point of starting a family. I find myself overcome with joy at the idea of bringing a little person, some of me, some of him into our lives. I hope that this little person will have his eyes, his heart, his unbelievable capacity to see the best in people. I also fear that this could be the wedge that drives us apart. It’s what I’ve always heard “kids change everything.” No doubt they do. They make life much harder, but more joyful as well. When I find myself worrying about what having kids will do to our undeniably strong bond, I remind myself of what some said when we got married. “Everything changes once you say I Do.” They were right I guess…things got even better. But I don’t think that’s what those naysayers meant. I’ve heard “you’ll hate your first year of marriage.” Not so for me, I’ve loved every minute since I walked down that aisle as a married woman, arm-in-arm with my best friend. “Traveling with your spouse will be the hardest experience”. Well, as outlined above, I’ve obviously found that to be completely opposite of the truth. “You’re still happy because you are still newlyweds”. Well, we are coming up on 4 years together, 1year and 7 months of those married and I find myself possibly happier than ever. So, when I hear those little whisperings in my head that say “maybe having a kid will ruin everything” I will remember that we’ve proven them wrong. No doubt life will be more difficult as a family instead of a couple. But, I believe that with my best friend by my side we will come out happier than ever before.